Sunday, June 17, 2007


Insane thing being this blogger being blocked out of his own blog for so many days. He is mighty drank now but all he wants to test if is his pals' internet connection works better in the mid of a heavy night of drinking. We appreciate that he has had nothing to say for ages!

Sitting here starring at the screen. On my ear the music is so loud. Maybe I need to numb myself. Spend a few days away from the semi colon, the hyphen- all those punctuation marks that I cannot use correctly and yet the world expects me to.

Like what is all this about? My business is words. That is what I trade with. Maybe it is not a rewarding occupation but it is inspiring.

No wait a minute. This business of words used to be inspiring. But it is not anymore. Maybe it is- in the deep down corners of my self- still fulfilling but I am not sure what I feel about it all on a day to day.

The thing is writing has become a job. It is no longer a passion- something I do because I can and love to do it- it is all about a word count now. It is all about deadlines that I cannot meet not because I have burnt out or that my creativity has hit its lowest ebb but just because I have to meet them and yet I have this image of a reckless slob to live up to.

So all the time, in my email these days, is one call for submissions to the next; some short story contest, anything. Yet I have entered none. I would have loved to be all published, worldwide, but that seems like a dream from a past long gone. A childhood ambition that so isolated from the person that I have grown up to be.

But maybe I have refused to grow up. Refused to accept the fact that I am at that place and time when opportunity knocks on your door and you have to prove yourself. Show the world that you are all what you claim to be.

Maybe I am too scared to rise up to the challenge. It takes more than talent to be a writer. In fact the greatest asset is discipline. And that, of all my failings, is the greatest.

Now wouldn’t that explain why I am doing yet another lame blog post? See it my way: I have to put up a blog post every Wednesday, yes I have to, and I have only twenty minutes today to do it. Well, when I got started I had less time in which to do it… but then I didn’t have to do it, see?

Now where is that booze?


egm said...

I hear you loud and clear! My passion is photography, and currently I do it just as a hobby. In my readings on the issue of whether to turn pro, I came across one author who admonished his readers to really think things through before doing so, lest they go ahead and ruin a perfectly good hobby. The issue of deadlines and such might dull the enthusiasm one once had for photography, he says. Pole ndugu. I hope you get your passion back.

Acolyte said...

We all have our ups and downs but you should know that there are still those of us who love reading your blog irregardless!
Have a drink and blog on!

Betty said...

I don't know any scared can't be "too scared"..Ish, at least i think you're not allowed to be, rise up to the challenge and do what you love.You say u've lost the passion..i say you've lost focus..yaa and the discipline lol, am just saying.

Unyc said...

Ur writing has been turned into that a bad thing coz u still get 2 do what u love n get paid for it.