Have you ever been jacked…shieet!
I mean there are polite thugs- like those dudes who were singing hymns in the bank. Ama the guys who ingia a bar and throw you a rao. Decent fellows who remind me of church- the priests throws everyone a shot alafu… toa ndugu... toa dada..
Kila ulicho nacho! Hata mobile ni sawa.
But there are crazy obs. Huko in the cocks you are from the hanye; broke ass as per kawa. It is the jave, manze. Suddenly. Some guy in a suit huko nyuma goes:
“Na kwani hii gari inaenda wapi?’
The kange does not even look at him, he just sips on his breakfast Napshizzle and goes:
“Kwani wewe unaenda wapi?”
Another guy, behind the driver, non-chalantly:
“Si mimi naenda Gachie…kwani?”
Baas….People angaliana. They know the drill.
Now huko mbele:
“Dere si ukuje pande hii…”
It is a request.
Toa ndugu… toa dada
Kila ulichonacho. Lakini anza na mobile!
Si you are easy. You have been down this way before. They take you huko kwa kahawa; Nyari/ Peponi road, they give the dere a 2 soc for fries and directions to the nearest cop station. “Just patia us twenty minutes tutoroke alafu mwende mreport”
But this time wapi!
“kila mtu shini na utoe suruali ya ndani…”
“Haya shikana wawili wawili kama kwa safina”
Nao huko you kosad a takeaway at the rave and you are kidogo horny so you are turning with a smile….oops!
Mama Njeri your local mama mboga on her way back from marikiti. You start consoling yourself vile her two daughters are fine. In all ways. I mean you been there, done that…. But her, she is like 59 years. Is bilas.
“Haya angalia haka, kwani kanangoja Viagra?”
Haidhuru you say to yourself. Alafu uko na yako. Ni sawa tu. So you start to chomoa the Trust.
“Ngai, morio, haka ati kanavaa sii ndii…!”
Suddenly, there is a guy pistol whipping you into premature ejaculation screaming:
“Nyama kwa nyama”
Maisha sio sawa